Sunday, October 30, 2016
"Man Has Fallen and Can't Get Up"
On October 23, 2016, it was the day that an ambulance surrounded the parking lot at Giordano's on W Cermak Rd. There was people surrounding the scene, so the people that were entering the parking lot were not able to see what transpired. Finally when the crowd of people left everyone was able to see what had happened. There was a elderly man standing in the middle with the parametrics surrounding him. At that point everyone had been wondering what had happened so they got closer to see what had happened, as they got closer they saw the elderly man with bandages wrapped around his head with some blood covering the bandages. When people had seen the blood covered bandages they all instantly wondered what had caused him to be bleeding. As time went on everyone had found out that the elderly man had fallen, and as he was falling he suffered a blow to the head.
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Which giordanos did this happen at. The beginning doesn't really capture the readers attention so it should be more flashy. Put some of those grace notes. It's a good story but it needs some more detail.
ReplyDeleteIt was the on one of W Cermak Rd. And I think that I had all of those things minus the flashy beginning
DeleteTry taking away some of those run on sentences
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